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Wednesday, 11 May 2016

If

If you had the opportunity to speak with a loved one who has died, what would you say? Considering this question, I realized some truths that I had not considered.

 

Questions come to mind immediately. I would ask my mother about those last moments of her life. Was she aware her granddaughter and I held her during that time?

Was Dad aware his family did not arrive at the hospital in time before he died;  a family friend held his hand in the end.

My grandfather O'Brien I would question about his Irish immigrant father and Nan about her desire to teach. Pop Pretty would speak of his parents, Dad's mother about her family. The list goes on...

Then I realized, all I wanted was to be in their presence. Words would be unnecessary though they would come, words of love.

Nothing was left unsaid before, nothing would need to be said then. No regrets...but longing...for physical presence which is the real loss. Now each person is carried in my heart and mind, everywhere, every day, walking through life with me, a part of who I have become.

This relationship with them is hard sometimes but an important one, giving me part of my sense of purpose and identity; the desire to write comes from it too.

Five little words would be necessary after all, "Thank you for my life."


18 comments:

  1. My mother talked about past and family quite a bit, but is still so much I don't know. I would love to talk to my grandfather's adult to adult and ask them about their lives and birth families.

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    1. When we are younger, we often don't care about the ancestry and the stories. When we are older, it is often too late. It is sad really!

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  2. Beautifully expressed, Marie. I would say those four words, too, and I realize that those I love who are around me today need to know that I love them. I will remember to give thanks for my friends, too, because they make my life worth living. :-)

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    1. The part of me from my ancestors is important but does not outweigh the importance of friends and loved ones in my life now either. It's good to remember that too. I agree, Jan.

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  3. A beautiful sentiment and thanks for sharing it.

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    1. You're welcome. I've done some serious thinking lately.

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  4. Thank you. Some tears behind it but happiness now.

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  5. I have a hard time with all of this. I don't want to see the person I love passing just like I don't want to see them in their casket. I didn't think like this at one time. Is it because so many people in my life are deceased? Is it selfishness on my part not to want to go through that? To just remember them as they were. My grandmother's passing was so long and drawn out. The doctors gave her 3 months and she lasted 3 years. She fought and fought and declined and declined. It really hurt my heart. I have thought about these things so many times trying to get "over" this.

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  6. Losing someone you love is tough and most people would feel the way you do. It is not selfish not to want to go through such a loss. It is human! Watching someone you love die is so difficult and dealing with a wake is hard too. I like the idea of determining how things will go when I die. It will make it easier for my daughter, an only child.

    I have come to terms with the people I have lost thus far. That's not saying that I will have an easy time with the next loss. However, today I walk with my deceased loved ones and they are part of who I am. In a sense I am in a new relationship with them. It is comforting though their physical absence is hard. I find I am at peace with their absence though.

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  7. Interesting to think about it. I would have a few questions however this is so painful even to think about it. Hope the sun is shining around you. We had a nice day although windy and not as warm. (I got a new job so unfortunately may not have as much time to visit all the lovely blogs as often as I like.) Hugs from North Dakota!!

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  8. Best wishes with the new job. This time of year people have less time for visiting blogs I think. People are outdoors more than in the winter. It was nice to meet you, Angela from North Dakota. Maybe we'll see each other on-line again sometime.

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  9. This post is most tender to me, Marie, because of the post on the Addolorata Cemetery in Malta I just published yesterday. We learn so much from death, don't we! I like that sometimes words simply are unnecessary!

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  10. They really are unnecessary sometimes!

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  11. What a heartwarming post, its nice of you to share your thoughts. Greetings and best wishes!

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  12. Lovely post. I would love to talk to my grandparents to find out much much more about my family history. Very little was passed down which I think is so sad. Also, I have a great-grandmother who had 8 sons who were soldiers (Union) during the American Civil War (4 died), and I often think about what her life must have been like.

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  13. If only we had known when we were young what questions we would want answered now...

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