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Monday 23 December 2019

Self expression

Our two year old grandson was up from his afternoon nap and full of energy. We started to decorate the Christmas tree and he was eager to help. The artificial tree had lights so we started with the bulbs. His older sister distributed the bulbs over the tree while her brother decorated the lower branches.


When it was time to hang beads on the tree, the six year old did it the traditional way, a string of beads hung over the tips of the branches. She had learned over the years to decorate this way with the beads. Her brother was new to it. He saw what she was doing but liked the beads placed one by one on top of each other on a branch, creating a white pearly heap of beads.


His sister didn’t notice what he was doing until she finished her decorating. “No,” she said to him. “You have to put them on like this,” as she took his pile of beads from the tree and one by one, hung them individually from the branches. 


The little boy cried to break his heart. He grabbed beads from the tree and sat on the floor, hiding them under his body.


I explained to his sister this was the way her brother wanted to decorate the tree and it was fine. She had done something similar when she was little. 


We gave him a bunch of beads and he decorated the tree in his own way and the beads still are positioned as he placed them. Perfect!


The exchange gave me pause for thought. When and why do we stifle our children’s self expression? Is it a conscious effort to have them conform or is it a societal norm we have absorbed into our psyches and accept as correct? Do we tell them who and how they are or do we allow them to show and tell us? This applies to our children on so many levels.


The two year old expressed himself the only way he knew. It took a minute but we listened to him. I hope his family continues to listen to him for the rest of his life.











24 comments:

DJan said...

I am not sure why we stifle creativity, but we do, and those who still decide to stand apart often stand alone. It takes a special person, like you, to allow someone to follow his own direction. :-)

Anvilcloud said...

I am not sure the adults stifled this child's self expression. It was another child. I find that children are very set in their ways, more than many adults. I know that this isn't the common perception, but it is mine. I may be wrong, of course. :)

Tabor said...

I remember a Christmas past where I was the older sister correcting the younger siblings on how to decorate a tree. I was a bit of a perfectionist.

John "By Stargoose And Hanglands" said...

When I used to work with children with learning difficulties and physical disabilities we always tried to celebrate different ways of doing things; many of the children could not do things the usual ways anyway. They often came up with ingenious solutions which we would never have thought of.

Elephant's Child said...

I am so very glad (and unsurprised) that you allowed him to decorate as he wanted. As his creative muse dictated.
And how I wish that creativity wasn't replaced (too often) with conformity.

Celia said...

Lovely, a wonderful thought to hold for Christmas and the coming new year(s).

At Home In New Zealand said...

That is very thought provoking indeed. Sometimes I think we correct our children without consciously thinking about it, which is perhaps our own effort at conforming with the world around us.
I hope you and your family have a safe and happy Christmas time. Mxx

Rhodesia said...

So happy that you let him do it his way. He will learn as he grows older. Cheers Diane

William Kendall said...

Very wise of you.

Ruth Hiebert said...

I am by no way the perfect Mom or Grandma, but I have tried hard to allow the decorations to be pleasing , first to my son then to my granddaughter.

David M. Gascoigne, said...

Certainly later in life many adults manifest a "My way or the highway" approach to life.

Retired Knitter said...

Conforming in a general sense is important when children learn acceptable behaviors for living within their society and culture. Conforming in self expression of creativity is another issue - and looks like you handled the tree decorating issue perfectly. Explaining that one way is not the only way to do something is a valuable lesson - and I think they both benefited from your intervention. And everyone "saved face." So important.

Kathie said...

He's still young and should be allowed to express himself as long as it is safe and does not harm him or others. Your granddaughter was also acting normally for her age- my daughter (9) still does it to her much more creative brother (7). I believe in creativity, free expression, and following rules. It's a lovely balance!

Debbie said...

i always let my boys decorate the bottom of the tree, however they wanted to. i always let them dress themselves and pick out the style for their hair. i was always mindful of their creativity....i see a lot of moms who clearly let their children dress themselves and i always smile at the choices the little ones make!!

Angela said...

We all take away creativity in children somehow. I am sure that I am guilty of that. Wishing you a lovely Christmas time Marie!!

Lea said...

A sweet story with an important message.
Merry Christmas!

Debra She Who Seeks said...

We are too overly invested in there always being a "right way" and a "wrong way" to do things.

Stewart M said...

Nice story really - there are too many people how think their way is the only way.

Three cheers for the free thinkers!

Hope you have a great Christmas - Stewart M, Keswick, UK

jenny_o said...

Such a sweet story, Marie, and one from which both of the children will take away new thoughts, ideas and feelings.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

Linda said...

Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season and a healthy happy new year.

Liz Hinds said...

Aw, wonderful! I can imagine his sister too and her indignation. My three-year-old grandson began decorating our tree which would have been fine except was putting all the decorations in one place. To be fair he could only reach so far so I went and helped him.

Barbara said...

I think there are many that have not turned loose of their need to decorate the tree in exactly the fashion they sit fit. The tree was always my parents domain growing up. I love to see decorated Christmas trees but to me it is more of a chore. Maybe that is why I enjoyed decorating without a tree this year.

baili said...

i think you guys did great by listening him dear Marie

this is most delicate period when child is need to feel trusted and to have liberty so he or she can express themselves without hesitation

Jenn said...

It takes everything in my power to not rearrange my sons tree decorating lol.