My maternal grandparents were born at the start of the twentieth century in rural Newfoundland. Granda left school early to go fishing. Nan however, completed school which was not common in those days. She wanted to be a teacher and had an offer to teach school in outport Newfoundland. However, her parents were not satisfied for her to leave home to go teaching. It just wasn’t done in the world they knew. Nan stayed home. At some point she started courting my grandfather. However, she had a wonderful relationship with both of her parents to the end of their lives.
Meanwhile, Nan and Granda married, raised three children and worked hard fishing and farming. They provided well for the family throughout the Depression when many others could not.
A lifetime later, during my first year teaching in rural Newfoundland, I received a letter from my grandmother. She wrote about her delight that I was able to do what she could not. She was happy for me. I was living her dream.
I’ve since wondered if my grandmother felt unfulfilled in her life. Did she feel trapped? Did she settle for a life with my grandfather and all it entailed? Did she wonder what her life could have been if only... Did she even have time or the inclination to think of those things? Her letter makes me think she had some of these thoughts at least since she wrote that letter at the end of her life.
My mother spoke about how her parents did not encourage or help her continue her education. They wanted her to stay at home and work with them. Mom was the last young person to leave her community to go to work in St. John’s. Her parents were disappointed and saddened when she did.
Nan hadn’t learned from past experience to encourage and support her own daughter. Was it the times or bitterness on Nan’s part which kept her from supporting her daughter in fulfilling her dreams? Mom felt unable to pursue further education on her own because of the time in which she lived. I imagine it was even more so for my grandmother. As a good daughter, she obeyed her parents.
Mom did learn from her experience however and she and Dad encouraged me to go to university. They wanted something better for me and did everything they could to help me achieve my goals. My husband and I did the same with our daughter.
My mother loved her parents and had a great relationship with them nevertheless. I adored both of my grandparents and spent a great deal of time with them during the summers of my childhood. Relationships in the family were not fractured. The love prevailed.
I am a product of these women, their genetics but also their stories. Knowing the stories helps me understand what was and is important in my life and influenced the decisions I have made. I am grateful to these women.
23 comments:
Great post, Marie! My paternal grandmother used to hide my library books because she feared too much reading would hurt my female brain.
I don't remember either of my grandparents all that well Marie. We left Scotland when I was only four and emigrated out to Central Africa. My own mum and dad always encouraged my sisters and I to follow our dream. But I do think each generation is more encouraging than the last ✨
i don't have stories like this marie. i don't know of these past relationships which may or may not have influenced the outcome of my life!!
it is so interesting how times have changed. it's wonderful that we now encourage our daughters to further their educations and have careers. i hope to have a positive influences on my great nieces lives and i know i have had a positive influence on my nieces lives!!!
You share such beautiful stories of your life Marie, and your writing is both introspective and powerful. We are the product of generations before us, and our generation has been blessed beyond measure, but many don't feel grateful, which is sad. Beautiful picture on your header! Happy Fall days to you :)
I never knew any of my grandparents (or any relatives at all).
I suspect these stories are not uncommon - and make my heart ache.
How beautifully written.
We definitely are products of those who had a tremendous influence over us. I am grateful for my parents and their encouragement to make my own decisions.
I really wish I had known my grandparents on both sides. We lived on opposite sides of the US so the visits were very few.
They were a product of their times, just like the rest of us. I'm glad that you were supported to go to uni.
What a wonderful story, Marie. It made me think of an interview my wife and I did about a decade ago. One of our friends from church, she was in her late 70s at the time, wanted us to interview her 102 year old mother. So we did and the one thing she talked about was, when back in her 20s, she had to quit her job as a teacher. She was newly married and her husband did not want her to work because she would be tired after teaching and he was afraid she couldn't take care of him. That was one regret she mentioned that she wished she could change and it happened 80 years earlier. We felt so bad for her.
Thanks for sharing your story.
Hello,
I would guess, the decision was mostly due to the hard times. My grandmother worked up to the day she died and my mother did not work outside the home. She did sewing for people, something she loved to do. What a great post! I am glad to read about the letter your grandmother sent to you. Wishing you a happy day!
My paternal grandparents were more distant. I do think about my maternal grandparents more often.
It seems that many folks years ago did not see the importance of an education. I am not that terribly old, yet my Dad was very much against me or my sister getting a good education. Our parents preferred to have us close to them.
I was fortunate to know my paternal grandparents. My mother's parents died when she was very young. It's interesting to see how circumstances mold our futures.
I was the first to go to college. It was my idea alone, but my mother supported me one hundred percent, seconded by my grandmother, her mother. My father did not discourage me, but did denigrate my undertaking. Years later, when I was successful in my career, he was "proud". It was a different world.
Such a wonderful thing to see how much can be overcome through love. My mother never worked outside the home and was married at eighteen and a mother at nineteen. She was one of the hardest workers I ever knew in my life and was a role model for all her children. What a delightful story you tell here, even if it didn't turn out as they might have wanted, love was present everywhere in their lives. :-)
I can relate to your story, Marie. My paternal grandmother always spoke with regret that her father prevented her from becoming a journalist, which he regarded as very unfeminine and a slur on his ability to provide for her. He eventually relented enough to let her work in the Census Office until she married, but still expected her to help her mother at home. Times were so different then.
Isn't family history interesting? Sometimes I think a change, like educating daughters, has to skip a generation or two. Also as times change parents are forced to accept a new fate for their children. I have always encouraged my children to fly. My mother was a little overprotective but she wanted me to accomplish more than she had. A little contradiction there.
All of our lives are shaped by circumstances beyond our control, overly ambitious parents can also force children into lives which they might not choose for themselves. I was lucky in that my parents would have been happy with whatever course I took, but when I "fell into" care work at the age of 40 I realised that it was what I'd always wanted, though when I was younger it was always considered to be "women's work" and not suitable for someone with my qualifications.
I think it speaks somewhat to the way that women were regarded then, not as worthy as men, and not needing a career. Thank goodness times have changed radically and while we may not have achieved perfect equality of the sexes, we are much closer to it than ever before - at least in western style democracies. In many other parts of the world it is another matter entirely, however.
I am so glad that more women have the ability to seek fulfillment through career and especially education.
Thankfully, minds have slowly been changed. We 50 and below women are deeply indebted to our older sisters that changed the path, opened the options and fought for the freedoms we have today.
What an interesting family history
This was a wonderful read...you should write a book. To me there is so many stories left untold here. And stories from everyday people are always the best in my opinion. Very seldom do I read a biography or autobiography of someone famous.
how beautiful this story is dear Marie !
time seen by your grandma's parents were conservative still this is so nice to hear that she obeyed her parents and stayed in warm relationships with them which matter above all
though she did not let your mom go for further education sounds bit sad because there was chance to not repeat the mistake ,yet i think she would had strong reason for this
yes i think people are so lucky who got opportunity to be with their grandparents
i believe it effects very positively the attitude and life of children if both people are of kind and decent nature
i am so happy for you and your daughter who did not have to compromise on their education
wishing you more happiness and peace in days ahead my friend!
I'm just getting caught up a bit on your posts, Marie. It was a busy week last week for me and I am late getting here. But I had to add my comment on this post. This essay speaks volumes about times past and present for women in our country. Slowly, slowly, times are changing.
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